Dear Love & War,

My ex recently came back to me, asking for a second chance. He’s a great guy— smart, funny and sentimental—but I don’t know if things can be how they used to be. Right now, he drinks non-stop and drives recklessly. He hangs out with the worst friends and I don’t know any of them. I really don’t want to be in something that’s just going to spiral downward, and I definitely don’t want to be dragged down with any trouble he may cause from his inconsiderate behaviors. What should I do? –Past and Present

Some things are better left in the past. You two broke up for a reason to begin with, chances are he is the same boy he always was. Despite the fact that the romantic in me says that everyone deserves a second chance, people are people and change is hard. You list more reasons for you not to be with him than to go back. I think you already know your answer but just need someone else to tell it to you: You are better off without him. Move on. As tempting as it might seem to re-date someone from your past, it usually just ends up a mess.

Dear Love & War,

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost six months, but I haven’t gathered the courage to come out to my parents and tell them that 1.) I’m gay and 2.) I’m sexually active with my boyfriend. Would telling them both of these deep, dark secrets be too much for them to handle? –Cherry in the Closet

Too much for them to handle? How about you in all this, you are the one that really matters. I am a strong believer in honesty, so yes, tell your parents. Do it for yourself more than for them. I cannot tell you how they will react unfortunately. Some parents react with complete and total comprehension, others react more negatively. That’s why you have to do it for yourself, relieve the burden you have on your shoulders. It’s hard to keep such a large part of who you are hidden like that. Just remember that this is who you are and for better or worse, they will have to accept it. As for the sexually active part? No parent EVER needs to know about that.

Dear Love & War,

How come talking about one’s feelings is such a requirement in this world? It seems that the heart and expression are thoroughly connected but why the hell does speaking about our inner turmoil merit happiness from the body itself? What inclines us to exhume negative connotations and welcome the positive vibrations the great Bob Marley used to speak of so fondly? –Tired of Talking

Yes, I agree: People can get too personal at times. I think it’s rather pointless. Everyone goes through the same steps in life. We just do it alone, at different times. Right? You’re born, you live and you die. It’s simple as that and we all have to live with this “amazing” fact of life.

But hey, this is a very difficult concept to accept, and I feel as if we’re all trying to transition into this sort of mindset. It just takes time, and those who love sharing excessively are moving along.

I must say, though: Sharing can be helpful, especially when we’re under a lot of stress. Maybe we’re just searching for someone out there who can relate to us. After all, it’s kind of depressing to be alone.

But let’s take a step back and examine the situation from above. Are you being objectified—mercilessly used as a sounding board for their problems? Or are people really talking to you? Taking a look at this aspect might lead to some major epiphanies.

Dear Love & War,

I’ve been dating this guy for a few weeks and so far I’ve managed to delay sleeping with him. See, a few years I contracted HPV (Human Papilloma Virus) and I haven’t found the right way to tell him. I really like him and want to sleep with him but I’m scared to tell him about it. What can I do? –Scared to be Scarred

Dear Scared to be Scarred,

You need to let him know that you have HPV. How did you feel when you found out you had contracted HPV? Not too great? A little resentful, now that it could possibly hinder your intimate activities with someone you actually care about?

Your guy wouldn’t want to go through what you did. Tell him now so he’ll know what he’s in for. And don’t forget: Condoms exist, so use them. If he likes you as much as you like him, then he should understand how difficult it was for you to tell him.

Warmest Regards,
Love & War

Contact Love & War
Submit questions to webbtide@yahoo.com