by Stephen Lennstrom
Staff Writer

Ever wonder what would happen if we weren’t the Dolphins no mo’?

As I sat with my notebook in front of me, and writing past my Ebbtide deadline, I desperately attempted to think of different and interesting mascots our school could or should have.

I looked into previous records, searched for popular mascots and came up with a list of potential animals, vegetables and minerals that would have put a modern major general to shame. However due to the total lack of toilet paper in my house and a sick roommate, I was only able to salvage the mascots below.

This conglomerate of nouns could possibly pick up our school spirit. When was the last time you saw “DOLPHINS” spelled out on the backs of adamant Shoreline fans? Perhaps if we carried some of the illustrious names below, we would be more inclined to go nuts with our support.

1) Robots
Our impressive firepower destroys our enemies, and we always have a fall back dance during social events.

2) Cloonies
With our graying hair and many wrinkles, we will seduce the mothers and/or grandmothers of our opponents…to certain victory.

3) Winged Beavers
We fly…we eat trees…basically it’s like that first LSD trip all over again…except this time, its personal.

4) Scorpions
With our stinging stingers, we will sting ourselves to a sure win, or we will die under the heels of our oppressors.