Dear Love & War,

I'm a very flirtatious person, it's part of my personality and I find myself doing it completely unintentionally. But this girl I have a huge crush on would never date a guy like me because she thought it would bother her. I really like her but at the same time, I can't change who I am, right? What should I do? --Puzzled

Well, if you caught your girlfriend checking out some other guy, wouldn’t you be upset?

You don’t seem like you’re in a relationship yet, since you just have a “huge crush” on this girl. Well here’s a fact of life: When you enter a relationship with someone, it’s kind of expected that you’ll pay attention to them more and shy away from flirtatious, I-want-to-be-your-lover behavior.

Whether you’re flirting with other girls deliberately or not, you still need to be respectful towards this girl you’re going after and take her feelings into consideration. Tell her that you are going to TRY to not flirt with other girls, and that you only want to be with her.

Don’t worry. Be happy. Tell your little lover what she wants to hear and you’ll be golden.

Dear Love & War,

I've liked a guy for the past several months, and I recently discovered that he has a new girlfriend. She's not as good-looking as I am, has no brains and no job. How do I get over this fact of life and search for someone who will truly value me for who I am? –Not Loved Back

I will assume that this guy is a Grade-A type of guy—cool and all that. I will also assume, never having seen you before that you're not just full of yourself when you say that you are better looking than she is.

If this guy is with this other girl, maybe it's because she has some redeemable quality, which you might not be privy to. Maybe she has a great sense of humor. Maybe she has a lot in common with him. Maybe she can bake a cake like no other— there are so many maybes.

What really matters here is that he is with her and lets also assume he is happy in the process. Be happy for him. Find someone who will make you happy. Go out, meet new people and find someone who fits you for you. There is more to love than looks, brains and money. Personality does indeed go a long way.

Dear Love & War,

One of my guy friends has feelings for me, but I don't feel the same way. How do I confront him and tell him that I like where we stand? –Like You As A Friend

The best way to confront your friend is to be kind, honest and direct. Tell him you like him and that you want relationship to stay the way it is. If he is smart and values your friendship, he'll step back and have to live with the rejection while his heart mends. It sucks, but it's a necessity. No one likes to be rejected, but that is life.

Dear Love & War,

Here's the thing I have a Friend With Benefit (FWB) and we both pretty much like each other but we don't know how to turn our situation into a relationship? How can we move from FWB to boyfriend and girlfriend? Everyone already thinks we're an item.... –Valentine Hope

Having a FWB can be scary. It's easy to confuse an intimate and sexual friendship with an actual relationship. The key here is to actually bring it up. Talk about it and make sure that both of you want to your relationship to progress that way. If you're already acting like a couple towards each other, the transition should be easy. A lot of relationship issues are easily resolved through talking and open communication.

Warmest Regards,
Love & War

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