by Vivian Luu
Copy Editor

Fast forward to hell week for just a second. Businessmen can be seen speed walking from block to block with small jewelry store parcels, middle-aged women are caught gliding in and out of department stores with chunky sweaters in complimentary gift boxes, anguished teens rush about with their Abercrombie and Fitch purchases and hyper children go berserk at the sight of a toy store.

Doesn’t sound like much of a relaxing holiday, eh?

Well behold your possible lifesaver: The Ebbtide Holiday Shopping Guide. Whether you’re looking for something sentimental or impressive, cheap or ritzy, manly or feminine, here are some pointers that’ll get you on your way to spending away.

Now all you need to do is actually go out and buy some of these things. Enjoy, consumerists, and Happy Holidays!

Modest Budgets (Under $25)
·For the practical—Mens’ and Women’s holiday and mixed print sleep bottoms ($14.50, Old Navy): From a vibrant dragon fruit pink pattern to a more subdued champagne number, these pajama bottoms will be sure to please the pickiest people on your list.

·For the explorers—Roly Shot Glasses ($4.95, Crate&Barrel): The discovery of the day! These dishwasher-safe glasses can roll in a circular motion without tipping over and come in sets of two.

·For the animal lover—Poplin wallet ($12, American Apparel): Gone are the days of leather wallets. This environmentally (and economically) friendly wallet is made of 100% poplin, comes with four card slots, a cash pocket and neatly folds into a slim package of goodness.

·For the social butterfly—Bare Escentuals Beautifully Luminous Lashes mascara ($15, Sephora): Sure to come gushing with class and sex appeal, this pearlized mascara is a must for those who are planning to party with a dash of feminine charm. Comes in gold and sapphire hues.

·For the dog—The Almost Indestructible Ball ($6.99-$9.99, PetSmart): Although it only comes in royal blue, this fancy number will stand up against the most brutal chewing and vicious gnawing, and is perfect for all canines, naughty or nice.

·For all the king’s men— Stocking Fella body set ($22.95, Lush): Indulge someone with this thoughtful set of ambrosia shaving cream, grapefruit shower gel/ shampoo and natural bohemian lemon soap. Zesty and refreshing, it’s the one thing they’ll need to stay clean all winter.

Indulgent Wallets ($25-$60)

·For the chocolate enthusiast— Chocolate Pleasures Gift Set ($25, Godiva): Stocked with a limited edition collector’s mug, two-piece Gold Ballotin and three Chocoiste delights: Dark Chocolate Almonds, Dark Chocolate with Raspberry and Vanilla Caramel in Milk Chocolate. This bundle is sure to please, and better yet, it’s all Kosher.

·For the clumsy ones—Super- Sized TV Remote ($25, Brookstone): I have one of these, and it’s saved my life on countless occasions. Resting at 5 inches wide and 11 inches long, this universal remote CAN fit in 296 of the most popular A/V device codes for your button-pressing pleasure and CAN’T get lost.

·For the imaginative child— Transformers Movie Helmet Role Play Optimus Prime Voice Changer ($29.99, Toys“R”Us): No fair—I only got to play with Barbies when I was little! A look-alike of Optimus Prime, the fearless Transformers Autobot leader, this helmet is a definite must for little Transformers enthusiasts.

·For the future consumerist— YOUniverse Pink Deluxe ATM ($29.99, Toys“R”Us): Just like a real ATM, this pink machine accepts real currency and gives upto- date account information on demand. Toys“R”Us advertises this tool as “a great way to learn money management.”

·For the culinary artists: Crème Brûlée Torch Set ($49.95, Williams-Sonoma): Definitely give this to someone who likes eating and loves burning things. They’ll have a great time with this set of four ramekins and minitorch. Now all you need to do is give them an easy-to-follow crème brûlée recipe and maybe a little sugar to caramelize. Adding a little rum to the package wouldn’t hurt either—add that to the surface of your custard and you’ll get the flames flying.

·For the guy who doesn’t want to care---Vintage motif tees ($28- $39, Urban Outfitters): Unlike other cheesy t-shirts that have idiotic quotes on them, these vintage European-inspired masterpieces combine art with valor to bring you a Japanese Tony the Tiger, Richard Pryor and Papa Smurf. As a plus, they’re slightly fitted, so they’ll make your men look manly, but never disheveled.

·For the beloved mother—Sarah Jessica Parker Limited Edition Shimmer Spray ($49.50, Macy’s): A sophisticated blend of lavender, orchid, amber, apple martini, paper whites and musk, this fragrance will sweet your mother off her feet and make her feel sexy in the city.

·For those who love listening to themselves—InVoca™ Voice- Activated Remote Control ($60, Brookstone): Know someone who’s tired of pressing buttons to change channels on their TV? Turn to this universal remote. It comes with 25 voice commands and simplifies key-to-key programming a breeze with its streamlined design.

Hardcore Dedication (Over $60)
·For the grassroots photographer— Kodak EasyShare 6.16MP Digital Camera ($99.99, Best Buy): This is the one to go for when you’re looking for a camera that can do anything without breaking up your piggy bank. Comes with digital image stabilization in order to keep your photos looking sharp and high ISO shooting capabilities to capture the moment in restricted lighting conditions.

·For the one who wants it all— Lush Legends gift set ($276.95, Lush): Lush Cosmetics’ most extravagant collection yet! It’s an impressive ensemble of over 30 of their best bath and body concoctions, and includes bestsellers like Dream Cream skin softener, Ocean Salt facial scrub and “Big” hair care products. Better yet, the set comes in one large, shimmering hatbox to rule them all.

·For the spoiled boyfriend— Vintage Straight Jean ($150, Lucky Brand): Us women like men who know how to pick out the best jeans—you know, the ones with not-so-chunky denim, mediumdark wash, embracing back pockets and slightly tapered legs. But hey, if your man doesn’t have any of these heavenly body enhancers, why not just get him a pair? The jeans are worth the money and believe me, they come with a multitude of perks.

·For the girlfriend who needs some convincing—10K White gold 1/10 Carat Diamond Necklace ($149.99, Kay Jewelers): Sleek and stylish, this is neither the overplayed teardrop nor the stereotypical circle necklace that everyone seems to have these days. Give to “the one” (or someone close to it) and you won’t be hearing any petty complaints for a while… that is, if you behave.