Parents beware:
Bush’s PATRIOT Act is the new bully on the playground
Copy Editor
Depending on what state you live in the above statement could either lead to a public stoning or the key to the city, and though I say it with my tongue planted firmly in my cheek (the left one), you've really got to hand it to the guy. Bush is so untouchable right now, even Arnold-friggin' Schwarzenegger bows down before him, and he was the Terminator for god's sake.
But seriously, have you heard what Bush said about the Constitution? Not many people did. According to a an article on www.capitolhillblue.com (and countless other websites if you Google the quote), our Commanderin- chief told a White House aide that the Constitution was “just a g*dd***ed piece of paper!” But here's what gets me: he made this remark sometime last November, almost four months ago, and I didn't hear about it until last week.
Shouldn't this be front-page material? Isn't this the “smoking gun” that the “liberal media” has been waiting for to try this man in the court of public opinion? After all, when Cheney told Democratic Senator Patrick Leahey, rather coarsely, to take part in intercourse with himself in June of 2004, everybody heard about that. And I'm not even going to mention the V.P.'s recent hunting excursion (Elmer Fudd jokes are too easy).
I mean, what does El Presidente really have against that g*dd***ed piece of paper, anyway? Perhaps some context is in order. Apparently this poorly thought up retort came during a conference discussing the Constitutionality of the poorly conceived, yet beautifully titled Patriot Act, which was up for renewal.
If you think about it long enough, the Prez is making sense here, or at least he thinks he is. All told, Bush treats this act like it's his little brother being bullied by the big kid (i.e. the Constitution) on the playground. And, well, why should the big kid always have his way?
The truth of the matter, however, is that even Bushconcerned older sibling that he is-has been whooped by the big kid too, and he's still smarting from it. According to the same Capitol Hill Blue articles, the President has proposed or endorsed seven amendments to the Constitution during his presidency. Of particular note was the headline-grabbing suggestion to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman.
Which brings us to the whole problem. Bush has been able to bend everyone and everything to his will in order to get his way. When Gore won the election in 2000, he became president anyway. When the United Nations, bolstered by 15 million protesters around the world voiced their opposition to the invasion of Iraq, he went in anyway. When his proposed tax cuts, designed to benefit the richest of the rich, were met with fierce criticism throughout the intellectual community, he made them anyway.
The man's continued success at keeping the forces of rational thought at bay is staggering, and I haven't even mentioned the President's greatest accomplishment, an achievement of such magnitute the impact of which will probably not be felt until years after his reign has ended. I am talking, of course, of the renewed vitality of the music industry.
If it wasn't for Bush, Green Day would never have dreamed up American Idiot, the Dixie Chicks would still be everybody's favorite girls from Texas, System of a Down would just seem silly, and NOFX would never have grown up. Oh, and Pearl Jam found a better target for their anger than Ticketmaster, Kanye West wouldn't have ignored a teleprompter, and Michael Jackson wouldn't have (allegedly) touched little boys. Okay, forget that last one. Bush is so cool that, despite four years' worth of opposition to the Patriot Act, the House of Representatives voted to renew it on March 7. Forget its infringements on the Constitution, supporters seemed to say, the Patriot Act “saves lives.” God knows these lives need to be preserved, too, since the Army is having enough trouble meeting their recruitment quotas as it is.
Run and hide, you g*d***ed piece of paper, the Patriot Act is pumped up and ready to rumble, a testament to what the unfettered support of a big brother can accomplish.
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