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- Listen.
Often a person in crisis just needs
someone to hear their story. You can
show you"™re really listening to your
friend by nodding, looking your friend
in the eye, saying "uh-huh", etc.
- Believe.
One of the most important things you can
do is to communicate that you believe
what your friend is telling you.
Survivors often worry that they will not
be believed or have been told by the
perpetrator that no one will believe
them.
- Help to
clarify what you think your friend is
saying. Listen carefully to your friend
and then tell them what you think they
said about their feelings. Your friend
may be talking about her/his emotions in
a way that seems jumbled. You can help
by sorting out and repeating back what
was said. Say things like: "It sounds
like"¦" or "What I hear you saying is"¦"
- Let your
friend decide what they want to talk
about. Don"™t push your friend to talk
about something if they are not
comfortable. If you feel you need to ask
questions ask gently, so your friend
doesn"™t feel that you"™re prying. Ask
general questions, e.g., "Do you want to
talk about what happened?" rather than,
"How were you raped?"
- Avoid
asking accusing questions. The
perpetrator is to blame for what
happened. You may feel angry and
frustrated about what happened, but
don"™t take it out on your friend. Don"™t
ask questions about why your friend did
(or didn"™t do) a certain thing.
Survivors do the best they can with
confusing, terrifying, or
life-threatening situations.
- Don"™t
make decisions for your friend. The
experience of rape or sexual assault is
one of having complete control taken
away. You can help your friend regain
power over her/his life by letting your
friend make her/his own decisions about
what to do next. Help your friend get
information on what all of the options
are, but let her/him make the decisions.
- Show
that you care. Remind your friend that
you care, and that this crisis hasn"™t
changed that fact. You can show your
affection by hugging (check your friend
is okay being hugged), telling your
friend that you love her/him, or even
just sitting quietly together. You may
not feel that you are doing much, but
your presence can mean a great deal.
- Remind
your friend to have self-compassion and
self-care. Your friend has been through
a very difficult experience. Remind your
friend to be good to herself/himself.
- Take
care of yourself. It can be very
upsetting and traumatic when a friend is
assaulted. You may feel powerless,
guilty, shocked, angry, or scared. These
feelings are normal, natural responses.
Be sure to be kind to yourself and get
help managing these emotions.
-
Information taken from Harvard
University"™s "How can I help my friend"
publication. The Office of Sexual
Assault Response and Prevention. 2007
Also see:
Resources
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