Dear Love & War,

My boyfriend has a drinking problem and refuses to get help. I love him with all my heart, but I’m scared he is heading towards something I want no part of. What should I do? –Ready for His Sobriety

Your voice counts, so step up and speak out for your boyfriend’s sake. Describe what you’ve observed to him and tell him that you’re concerned. He might shake you off, but that would be a good first step. Keep trying until you get across to him, because he might see what you’re seeing.

You can also try to get his friends to talk him out of it. Not drinking buddies, look to his friends who seem to have their lives together and can influence him. Remember high school? How about freshman year in college? Peer Pressure has a lot of power, so use the power of numbers to help him.

Dear Love & War,

This girl I have been sleeping with for the past few years is a polyamorist and until now I was fine with our “status.” She recently moved back to Seattle and wants me to become her primary, but I’m not down with that. I think I want something stable with her or nothing at all. How can I bring this up? –All or Nothing

Your girlfriend will probably respect your values and understand where you’re coming from with your desire for a monogamous relationship. However, there may be many reasons why she’s a polyamorist.

Maybe her religious beliefs support the practice. Perhaps her parents are polygamists. Maybe she enjoys that lifestyle. Either way, you need to respect her values when you bring this up.

Sit down and have a serious conversation. Be assertive, but use soft gloves to deal with the situation. Be respectful and try to see what’s happening from her point of view as well. Tell her that you want to be stable and that you want to be with her, and explain why you don’t want her to be in other relationships simultaneously.

Warmest Regards,
Love & War

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