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........................... Oct. 19 - Nov. 01, 2001
OTHER ISSUES .................... |
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| Ask Aggie | |
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Q: It seems like no matter how early I
get to school there's never any paved parking! I got here twenty minutes early
today, and still the only spots were compact ones with morons parked on the
lines so a motorcycle could barely fit. My car is getting filthy.
What should Ido?
A: If that isn't the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard then I don't
know what is. When I was a college student...well, actually I was never a
college student because I married Bertie when I was nineteen, but he died three years later, and good riddance to bad rubbish is all I have to say about that!
Did he really think I wouldn't find out he was seeing Francine Smythe-Oversmith, the hussy, behind my back? The girl was a home-wrecker, mark my words! Her poor mother could barely show her face. But then, the Smythe-Oversmiths have always been awfully high in the instep, so maybe they had a little lesson coming to them.
Why, I remember the summer I was fifteen and that hussy Francine's older
sister Margaret made horrible fun of cousin Bethany, as if she could help her
condition. Anyway, to answer your question, pretty is as pretty does; steady
brunettes are to be preferred to flashy red-haired hussies.
Q: My soon-to-be mother-in-law is a complete lush. My fiancee and I are terrified of what she might do during the wedding or at the reception, but we have to invite her or she'll just crash it. Help!
A: Your beau's mama is clearly in need ofprofessional help. It's simply too, too sad when such diseases take our loved ones from us. Just think of Rodney Chillingwood. Seventy years old, if he's a day, and the old coot still gets into sherry and chases the cleaning service people up and down the stairs. It's such an embarassment to the family, but not as bad as Josephina Macklethwaite, who, if rumor can be believed, ran completely
mad when her son was killed in a cricket accident in 1904.
But then, theMacklethwaite's have never been the steadiest of families. Even when they're sane, they're notorious ne'er-do-wells. The men drink, gamble and engage in other excesses not to be mentioned in mixed company. In the last three generations they've all but driven the line to extinction, bankruptcy, or both.
So, in the long run, gambling never pays. I hope this incident has taught you
that there is no such thing as a "sure bet."
Great Aunt Agatha is a completely fictional character. She is in no way related to your Great Aunt Agatha.
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