WEBBTIDE 2001-2002 @ SHORELINE COMMUNITY COLLEGE

Volume 37 No.17 Jun. 07 - Jun. 19, 2002 [ ARCHIVE ] [ FEEDBACK ] [ HELP ]
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May God bless and keep you, Scott Baio

.
      I owe my life to Scott Baio. Back in Fu-Bai in '68, Iron-Guts Baio threw himself on a grenade. Yup, that courageous bastard saved the life of every man in Delta Company! He personifies everything a great American should be: resourceful, brave, patient and strong.
      All right, Scott Baio did not save my life. Neither of us served in 'nam. Nor did we room together in the Silent Pines Drug and Alcohol Rehabilitation Center. We never turned tricks together while living on the street as struggling actors in the early 90s
      Scott Baio did not do many things. But, I dare anyone to say one of them was an act. After all, he did almost make out with Jodie Foster in "Bugsy Malone"
      I did learn how to pick up chicks at the mall by watching Chachi, woo his love, Joanie Cunningham.
      From early Happy Days (the episodes with the Bill Haley theme song), Fonzy's mini-me-cousin, Spike, chased innocent Joanie around the set. That Joanie, she was such a tease. The grossly sexual scenario was just, well, gross. Honestly, I never understood the attraction to Joanie. She was not terribly cute. She had that gawd-awful hair and huge butt! Yet, I digress.
      After Spikes disappears, (which is never fully explained) Chachi enters. The soulful 'un-hoodlum' with feathered hair and Aerosmith bandana around his thigh epitomized cool for this Dungeon master. After Chachi's first appearance, I modeled myself after his polite reserve.
      I moped about sheepishly. I practiced my shy smile in the mirror until I developed dimples. I feathered my hair and parted it down the middle. Hell, I even started hanging out with Willie Ames!
      By the way, if any of you see that snapper-head tell Willie I'm looking for his sorry hieny. He owes me a fin for the Colts/Dolphins game last year. Yeah, that's right, you better hide from me Tommy. And if I ever find you, I'm gonna open a can of "Zapped" like you've never seen, bitch!
      Anyway, my Chachi-esque boyishness paid off. At thirteen years old, I was getting more bumper than Fonzy's body shop. When "Stairway to Heaven" came on at the end of the dance, I was the first on the floor, shuffle-stepping in slow-mo.
      Then, the horror of horrors occurred: "Joanie Loves Chachi." My man went from the make-out master next door to a whipped chick-puppet. What were you thinking? Have you any idea how that move to Chicago body slammed my pubescent love life?
      Next came the "Charles In Charge" years. I like to think of them as Baio's penance for messing up my junior high years. So now, Baio portrays a college student learning life's tough lesson. Whatever the lesson is, we never know.
      The three memorable portions of "Chachi In Charge" consist of Willie (I'm-a-cheap-punk-ass-loser) Ames, bursting onto the set with Emmy winning lines like, "Charles, Charles, Charles ... You've gotta help me! I got us a double date with two Swedish stewardesses," watching Nicole Eggart comb her hair in a cheerleader outfit, and the renaissance of Baio's boy-next-door persona.
      Other than that the show sucked.
      Of course the latter did help me hook up through high school.
      So a hearty heighty-ho to Scott Baio. Without his help, I would never have learned how to get dressed silently, in a dark closet, with a pocket full of change.
      Bullwinkle Morris is available for witty comments like "For the love of all that is holy and pure, get off your duff and send me an e-mail" and babysitting at grumpywinkle77@yahoo.com.
      And Check out the new Bullwinkle webpage at www.geocities.com/grumpywinkle77.

.

by Bullwinkle Morris

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wEbbtide Webmaster: Henry Lai

May God bless and keep you, Scott Baio
.	I owe my life to Scott Baio. Back in Fu-Bai in '68, Iron-Guts Baio threw himself on a grenade. Yup, that courageous bastard saved the life of every man in Delta Company! He personifies everything a great American should be: resourceful, brave, patient and strong. All right, Scott Baio did not save my life. Neither of us served in 'nam. Nor did we room together in the Silent Pines Drug and Alcohol Rehabilitation Center. We never turned tricks together while living on the street as struggling actors in the early 90s Scott Baio did not do many things. But, I dare anyone to say one of them was an act. After all, he did almost make out with Jodie Foster in "Bugsy Malone" I did learn how to pick up chicks at the mall by watching Chachi, woo his love, Joanie Cunningham. From early Happy Days (the episodes with the Bill Haley theme song), Fonzy's mini-me-cousin, Spike, chased innocent Joanie around the set. That Joanie, she was such a tease. The grossly sexual scenario was just, well, gross. Honestly, I never understood the attraction to Joanie. She was not terribly cute. She had that gawd-awful hair and huge butt! Yet, I digress. After Spikes disappears, (which is never fully explained) Chachi enters. The soulful 'un-hoodlum' with feathered hair and Aerosmith bandana around his thigh epitomized cool for this Dungeon master. After Chachi's first appearance, I modeled myself after his polite reserve. I moped about sheepishly. I practiced my shy smile in the mirror until I developed dimples. I feathered my hair and parted it down the middle. Hell, I even started hanging out with Willie Ames! By the way, if any of you see that snapper-head tell Willie I'm looking for his sorry hieny. He owes me a fin for the Colts/Dolphins game last year. Yeah, that's right, you better hide from me Tommy. And if I ever find you, I'm gonna open a can of "Zapped" like you've never seen, bitch! Anyway, my Chachi-esque boyishness paid off. At thirteen years old, I was getting more bumper than Fonzy's body shop. When "Stairway to Heaven" came on at the end of the dance, I was the first on the floor, shuffle-stepping in slow-mo. Then, the horror of horrors occurred: "Joanie Loves Chachi." My man went from the make-out master next door to a whipped chick-puppet. What were you thinking? Have you any idea how that move to Chicago body slammed my pubescent love life? Next came the "Charles In Charge" years. I like to think of them as Baio's penance for messing up my junior high years. So now, Baio portrays a college student learning life's tough lesson. Whatever the lesson is, we never know. The three memorable portions of "Chachi In Charge" consist of Willie (I'm-a-cheap-punk-ass-loser) Ames, bursting onto the set with Emmy winning lines like, "Charles, Charles, Charles ... You've gotta help me! I got us a double date with two Swedish stewardesses," watching Nicole Eggart comb her hair in a cheerleader outfit, and the renaissance of Baio's boy-next-door persona. Other than that the show sucked. Of course the latter did help me hook up through high school. So a hearty heighty-ho to Scott Baio. Without his help, I would never have learned how to get dressed silently, in a dark closet, with a pocket full of change. Bullwinkle Morris is available for witty comments like "For the love of all that is holy and pure, get off your duff and send me an e-mail" and babysitting at grumpywinkle77@yahoo.com. And Check out the new Bullwinkle webpage at www.geocities.com/grumpywinkle77.	.
by Bullwinkle Morris